I finished the book Understanding your Grief. The ten essential touchstones the author talks about are:
1) Open yourself to the presence of your loss
2) Dispel misconceptions about grief
3) Embrace the uniqueness of your grief
4) Explore your feeling of loss
5) recognize you are not crazy
6) Understand the six needs of mourning
7) Nurture Yourself
8) Reach out for help
9) Seek reconciliation, not resolution
10) Appreciate your transformation
I did find this book interesting and it had some useful ideas. He talks about Griefbursts which are when overwhelming feeling of grief come upon you, sometimes seemingly out of the blue. The author says they are normal and you shouldn’t try to control them. He suggests that they may be evidence that those we love are determined not to be forgotten-I like that imagery.
Borrowed tears are ones that spring up when you are touched by something you might see, hear or smell and you react with strong emotion. They are often triggered by something you don’t associate with the person who died, hence are borrowed from someone else's store of pain. You are crying because your heart and soul are hurting and you emotions are tender. This is normal and will pass when your heart is healed. An interesting idea. Not sure about it.
My latest read is:
The Truth About Grief: The Myth of its Five Stages and the New Science of Loss - Ruth Davis Konigsberg
which I mentioned in one of my previous blogs.
This book totally debunks the whole idea of stages of grief because they have become so pervasive. "We are to blame for embracing a doctrine that has actually lengthened the expected duration of grief and made us more judgmental of those who stray from the designated path. We have been misled by the concept that grief is a series of steps that ultimately deposit us at a psychological finish line, even while social science increasingly indicates that it’s more a grab bag of symptoms that come and go and eventually, simply lift.”
Strong words and a damning criticism of the American way of grief and its multimillion dollar business.
I’m glad I read it last as I probably wouldn’t have read any of the others if it had been the first book I tackled. It makes a lot of sense to me and has actually made me feel better about the progress of my own recovery. I would recommend this book to anyone, as we all experience grief at some point in our lives. I have already had a spirited discussion about the book with one of my close friends and would be interested in talking about it with anyone who has read it.
Maybe it’s time for me to get back to reading some chick-lit!